Ramadan is a time for deep reflection and spiritual connection; yet the onset of Ramadan can bring with it so many feelings, from excitement and anticipation to a sense of sadness or loss. Whether you are struggling with an eating disorder, grieving a family member who will not be present at iftar this year, fasting for the first time, far away from family, or too busy in your job to feel like you can participate fully, this time of year can bring about a feeling that is so familiar to many of us, of “not being good enough.” The “not good enough Muslim,” who may have deep faith but doesn’t feel recognized in the eyes of the larger community.

For many, the month of Ramadan is not only a spiritual one, but an emotional one as well. This is a month of worship, fasting, and prayer, but for some, it also becomes a time when their sense of self-worth and belonging can feel tested. The pressure to conform to expectations, the challenges of navigating fasting with different physical and emotional needs, and the struggle to maintain connections with others can lead to feelings of inadequacy. These experiences are deeply personal but shared by many, even if they aren't often spoken about.

For those who are planning to participate this Ramadan, what does it bring up for you? What are you looking forward to or excited about? What might you be grieving or sitting with that feels hard?

Reflecting on my own experience, I think about how growing up in a Muslim country allowed me to be immersed in an environment which catered to Muslims during Ramadan. The workday was shortened (in most industries), you weren’t allowed to eat or drink in public from sunrise to sunset, and if you were stuck in traffic during iftar, volunteers from an organization would hand you a box with some dates, fruit, and water to break your fast when stopped at a traffic light. There was a deep sense of shared experience. The environment around me catered to Ramadan in ways that made it easier to feel part of the larger community. When our external environment supports us, it can be easier to feel worthy and of value. I don’t feel like I struggled with a sense of adequacy there in the same ways I do now that I live in America, where I do not see my religion or beliefs or practices modeled, supported, and celebrated.

Having spent many Ramadans fasting as a child and fewer as an adult, last Ramadan, I made an intentional effort to cultivate the community and connection I felt I needed to sustain the efforts I wanted to make. I realized I couldn’t rely solely on the external world to bring that sense of belonging. I had to create it for myself. I realized that I could create it for myself. In a large city where I do not regularly see others who look or practice like me, and living far away from family, I sought out to establish those spaces of “home” externally and within.

I created a little Ramadan corner for myself with some simple decorations I found online - gold string lights in the shape of little lamps placed overhead near a small table that held a copy of the English translation of the Qur’an, Secrets to Divine Love by A. Selwa, and a journal with a pen. For the first time, I bought my own janamaz with a design that I got to choose myself and a thick foam inner layer to provide additional comfort as I used it. This little corner became my sanctuary and kept me grounded through the month. I made more of an effort to attend my local masjid and spend time with friends who were fasting too, and if some were not participating for health reasons or other personal circumstances, we would still share iftar together, making it a time of support and togetherness. These small efforts helped me build a network of people who understood the significance of Ramadan and allowed me to feel more connected, even if we were each participating in different ways.

While others at work may not have any idea what Ramadan is and while the broader social landscape might not send you the message that you belong, where are the spaces you can tap into to bring a sense of community as you devote yourself to the next month? If you live with roommates, will you allow yourself to be vulnerable and share a bit about what this month may be like for you and how you may be up at “odd” hours? Being the only one in the house who is Muslim or practicing can be isolating and further increases a sense of not belonging. In turn, your faith can also foster a deep sense of belonging within, though it may not always feel tangible.

What happens when you are on your cycle during Ramadan, especially at the start? Do you experience grief, relief, or acceptance? Is this discussed in your family or do you pretend like you are fasting with the rest of the household? What about the days when you may not feel like fasting, whether it be related to your physical or mental health, or something else? Do you experience shame and guilt? Do you have someone in your life you can talk to, who understands or is able to support you or is it all experienced in isolation?

If you are far away from family and in need of community, and you live in the greater LA area, Nichole Abdallah, another therapist in the practice, and I will be hosting a community iftar on Saturday, March 8th, 2025 from 5:30-7pm at Jackson Market in Culver City. You can follow us on Instagram at @thepalestinian.latinatherapist and @thechaicircles to stay in the loop. We hope to see you there!

ramadan Journal

P.S. Here’s a little Ramadan journal I created for you, to support you through this month and to help you navigate this month of reflection and spiritual growth. It’s a tool to help you track your thoughts, prayers, and reflections, and to remind you that you are not alone. Whenever you feel isolated or unsure, remember that we are here with you, cheering you on along the way.

Ramadan Mubarak!

Written by: Seher Bajwa, AMFT, APCC